Monthly Archive for November, 2006

Chess Players required to undergo drug testing

Published
by
Pau
on November 30, 2006
in Uncategorized
. 0 Comments

Apparently Chess players are now required to undergo drug tests before competing.

“I would not know which drug could possibly help a chess player to improve his game,” competition manager Yousuf Ahmad Ali said.

“But, yes, there will be official monitors who may demand that players undergo a drugs test after the rounds.”

Shows what Yousuf Ahmad Ali knows. Heck, if I decided to become a Chess Player, I’d need a boat load of drugs just to train my shit up!

You see, I have arms the size of small children (or about half the size of my penis). Shit, it took me a little over an hour just typing the previous paragraph. I keep having to go back and edit and shit because I quickly get tired after typing three letters. Imagine what will happen if I have to continually pick up chess pieces without the help of performance enhancers?!

Top Re-Cut Trailers

Published
by
Pau
on November 29, 2006
in Movies
. 0 Comments

If you’ve spent any amount of time on Youtube, you would probably have come across these trailers of popular movies re-cut to make them look like something else. I’ve been a big fan of such trailers, and I just recently discovered that they’ve just made a whole new genre for Re-cut trailers. Which is pretty awesome because for the moment, I can’t get enough of these gems.

So I took it upon myself to rank my Top 10 Favorite Re-cut Trailers based on originality, concept, and execution:

10. Kill Christ - One of the first Re-cut trailer made. Not very impressive by today’s standards, but still amusing.
9. American Psycho Redux - True Love can drive you crazy.
8. X3: The Last Standing Ovation - Loses points for execution and video quality, but you gotta love how it unearths scenes from Hugh Jackman’s past which he probably wants to remain buried.
7. Must Love Jaws - Two men, one shark. Much love!
6. Martin Scorsese’s Sesame Streets - The comedy wears thin after a while, but you gotta admire the time the guy spent dubbing the scenes from Sesame Street with some of Scorsese’s movies.
5. The Sound of Music - Holy Crap!
4. Titanic 2: The Surface - A lot of work obviously went into this awesome example of a re-cut trailer.
3. The Shining - I’d watch the shit out of this movie.
2. 10 Things I Hate About Commandments - One of the most ingenious trailers in the bunch.

And my top re-cut trailer (for this month at least): Brokeback to The Future

Dead Babies

Published
by
Pau
on November 28, 2006
in Uncategorized
. 1 Comment

Holy Fuck! I got home and dead babies are all over the floor! What happened?
The door to the fridge must be broken again.

What do you do with a room full of dead babies?
Eat them before they go bad silly!

But what do I do with them if they do go bad?
Quick! Get the blender! Dead Baby Jam!

I’ve run out of jars for the jam! What do I do now?
Get the freshest dead baby, hollow that little sucker out. BAM! Dead Baby Jar!

What did the live baby say to the dead baby?
“Holy Fuck! A Dead Baby!”

What did the dead baby say?
Nothing. It’s dead, stupid.

I’ve run out of dead babies! What now?
Impregnate a dead mother to make more dead babies!

How do I make a dead baby faster?
Tie a dead baby to a horse! Haw! Haw!

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
Because it was tied to a chicken.

Why was it tied to a chicken?
Because some idiot thought it was a horse.

What are dead babies good for?
For about 2-3 weeks. Any longer and the maggots would have gotten to it. You can’t eat maggots, because that’s just gross.

Why did Steel fuck the dead baby?
Must be Tuesday.

Why did Ade beat up Steel?
Ade thought it was Wednesday, and he didn’t like sloppy seconds.

What do you call 10 dead babies and 1 fat dead baby?
A bowling set.

What is the difference between a 100-year old grandmother and a dead baby?
Well when you fuck a dead baby you don’t need to wear a condo—-oh right. Well I guess there’s no difference at all.

How many whacks on the head does it take to kill your baby?
Just one!