Just like the Bible. But on the Internet.
I wrote this haiku
Because I can’t think of any
Thing funny to write
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If I try hard ’nuff
These words of mine will seem like
Some real profound shit
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I’ll tell you about
My sex fling with Tyra Banks
It was very awes…..
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Man this is easy
Those Jap poets were real smart
Or were just lazy
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She stepped on my toe
Fuck! Shit! Ouch! Penis! Cunt! Balls!
Horse Dung! Vagina!
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Haiku! Haiku! Hai!
Say it fast enough you’ll see
It’s like you’re sneezing
Dear Mr. Internets,
First of all I’d like to congratulate you on your very successful invention. Before the Internet came along, I wouldn’t have learned very useful things like how to resolve conflicts at work, how to build my own wood cabin, and masturbation. To donkey porn.
Now I know you’re a very busy man so I’ll just get right to the point of my letter. As you may already know, I have recently lost my iPod. I’m sure you might have heard about that because I put it on the Internets through another one of your inventions, my Web Log, or “a blog,” as it is sometimes called. Silly me, of course you know about this because you are Mr. Internets!
Anyway, as you may also know, I am a man of very limited means. I do not come from a rich family, and as such, it is not uncommon for me to scrimp on some things in order to be able to afford even the most basic necessities. And my son understands that a high school education as well as one of his kidneys are simply luxuries we can’t afford right now. So in light of what I’ve said so far, I’m sure your heart goes out to me that such a heavy loss has befallen me (I’ll tell you about how I lost my Gold Rolex Watch in another email).
If you’re anything like me, you’d probably be asking yourself at this point why this email was sent to you. Also, you’re maybe sticking a finger or two up your butt, but that’s beside the point. You see I realized that in order to replace my beloved iPod, the only thing for me to do is become rich. It’s such a simple solution I know, and I guess the only excuse I have for not thinking of it sooner is because I was probably busy beating up my children and making it look like my wife did it.
I think my contract with my current host is about to come to an end and I still haven’t decided on whether I should renew the contract or not. It’s not as if blogging is still a big part of my daily routine. Being married made sure of that. So yeah, maybe it is time to simply pack up my things and let this blog die a natural death.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a ton of things to write about, but not the time to do some actual writing. Maybe in the future, when we can afford a maid to do the cooking and the laundry. But until then, I find that updating my Multiply site, or posting shit on my Twitter fits more into my current lifestyle. So in the unlikely event that there’s somebody still reading this blog: if and when you see this blog to be not here anymore, you can still keep tabs on me through my other online presences. Mostly because I don’t have to shell out money to maintain them.
I’m also playing around with this Vox thing (c/o Joedie) if it’s worth investing time in as well.
Now does anybody know how to import Wordpress posts to Multiply?
Meantime, since there’s a good chance that this is my last post in this blog, I leave you with my Twitter badge:
Plurk me!
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