The biggest buzz in Hollywood today is Brokeback Mountain, a story about two cowboys played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal and about how much they don’t enjoy sleeping with women.
Anyway, to get to the point of this article, let us recognize the fact that there is no way a straight man will watch this movie willingly. The only conceivable reasons for any man to do so would be : A) his girlfriend wants to see it B) his wife wants to see it C) he thought it was a wrestling movie.
If you watched the movie for any other reason than the ones stated above, I suggest you sell your balls on eBay because you sure as hell aren’t needing them.
Guys falling under categories “A” and “B” may not be using their testicles most of the time, but are at least assured of being rewarded handsomely somewhere down the line.
The guys in the last category, in turn, have full use of their testicles; but are encouraged not to do so for the sake of the gene pool. But since some of these guys are our loyal readers, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to put up a guide that can help such unsuspecting males get through the movie.
So without further ado, I bring to you:
A Man’s Guide to Brokeback Mountain
Q: What’s this movie about?
A: It’s about love, and how such a love can survive in a society that condemns it.
Q: Ah, just like Romeo & Juliet?
A: Yes, it’s very similar Romeo & Juliet.
Q: Hey Olivia Hussy showed her titties in that movie. This is going to rock!
……
Q: Uh, dude? I have another question.
A: Ask away my good man.
Q: Well it’s already 20 minutes into the movie and I still don’t see any chicks.
A: Yes?
Q: Well, how can it be a love story without chicks?
A: You are aware that love can exist between a homosexual couple are you?
Q: Holy Shit! Are you telling me this movie’s about lezzies? This is going to rule!
……
Q: Grandmother of Holy Fucks! That is just wrong! Those two dudes are kissing each other! What the fuck is happening here?
A: Um, dude? This is not a lesbian movie.
Q: You mean to say that they’re—
A: Yes.
Q: And they’re going to—
A: Yes.
Q: Oh God I think I’m going to puke.
……
A: You haven’t said a word in over an hour. Are you alright?
Q: Shhhh! You’re ruining it.
A: Sorry.
……
Q: Boy it sure is cold here in this theater.
A: Reckon so.
Q: You wanna cuddle?
A: This never leaves the theater ok?
……
Q: God I wish I knew how to quit you!
A:
Q: Let’s go outside and act like nothing ever happend…
a: NO, Let’s come out of the closet
There are two other reasons for a straight man to watch brokeback mountain.
1. Anne Hathaway going top less.
2. Michelle Williams
going top less.
I rest my case.