Faded Boxers

Cheating is like cocaine. It is openly decried, but is secretly loved. Also, both words have two syllables each, and both start with the letter C. Coincidence? I think not!

Anyway, the practice of cheating has become so widespread in this day and age that people have elevated it into an art form. Cheating wives or husbands have become so skilled in hiding their “extracurricular activites” that you have to invent a whole new word for their super indescretions. Their “supindescretions” if you will.

In order to keep up with the ever changing field of spousal promiscuity, we have composed a loose set of guidelines which may help determine if your partner is cheating on you or not.

Communication
In every relationship, communication is the key element that keeps it going. It is also the first sign to know if your partner is cheating on you or not. Try to ask your wife or girlfriend how her day went once in a while. If she replies with something like “Holy Crap! I just got plowed by Stan in accounting this morning! It was awesome!” or “I’ve been fucked in the ass so much, I’ll be shitting dick for a month!” then it may be time to reassess your relationship.

Body Language
For those of you who are less inclined to confront your partners, a more subtle approach may be in order. Take the time to observe your woman’s movements, learn about her daily routine. Watch out for unexplained routines or activities out of the ordinary.

Take the case of Jonathan for example. One time he got home to find his wife having sex with another man in their living room couch. By way of greeting, she looked at him and said “Jesus Baby Eating Christ! I am so fucking this man right now! This man who is not my husband! I am definitely cheating on you! Why don’t you get a flipping clue?”

When he went to me for advice, I simply told him that there is a possibility that his wife is starting to stray. In order to counteract this, I instructed him to be supporitve of her decisions, and her new found hobby.

Let’s take a look at their relationship now shall we?:

Jonathan: Good job in taking Mark’s huge cock up your ass honey! That shows commitment and flexibility!

Jonathan’s Wife: When will you ever die?

Unconscious Behaviour
People are at their most honest when their inhibitions are low. Studies have shown that the human level of inhibition are at their lowest when they are either drunk or asleep. Since marriage or long term relationships offer many occasions in which both activities are not only accepted, but warranted, then you’ll have no problems doing some snooping into your partner’s inner psyche.

Sleep-talking is a great way to see if your wife may be thinking of somebody else when she’s with you. Secondary to that, is sleep-walking-to-the-guest-room-where-Mark-is-staying. Another sign to watch out for is sleep-fucking-somebody-who-is-not-you.

Her Friends
If she hangs out with people she likes to call “Louie Longschlong,” “Peter Porkmeister,” or “Mark” then it means that she is not cheating on you. Obviously, she just joined a new dance troupe or a theater group, and is hanging out with homosexuals all day long. If this is the case, you have no need to worry, and rest in the fact that you are the only man in your woman’s life.