Faded Boxers

Greetings readers! Instead of a long-winded movie review on Peter Jackson’s King Kong , we have decided to set up a chat room so myself and Mike can freely discuss our thoughts on the movie.

As a brief background for those who have yet to see the movie, King Kong is a remake of the 1933 classic of the same title. It stars Jack Black as the manipulative Carl Denham who will stop at nothing to get his monster movie made. Adrien Brody plays writer Jack Driscoll, and Naomi Watts as Ann Darrow; the beauty who tames the mighty Kong.

So I think we’re ready. The chatroom is up, all we have to do is wait for Mike to join us, and we’ll get right to it:

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Pau : Hello? Testing? Anybody here?

**User lonelyMike69 has entered the chatroom #KingKongChat.

Pau: Mike? Is that you?

lonelyMike69: Hey cutie! ASL?

Pau: Mike, it’s me.

lonelyMike69: Huh?

Pau: Look at my name. It’s Pau. We’re supposed to be talking about King Kong remember?

**User lonelyMike69 has left the chatroom.

Pau: Christ!

**User Mikey has entered the chatroom #KingKongChat.

Pau: Glad to see you back.

Mikey: What are you talking about? I just logged on.

Pau: You were just here. lonelyMike69? You just left to change your nick.

Mikey: Are you on drugs again?

Pau: But lonelyMike…

Mikey: Don’t you judge me.

Pau: Fine. So, about King Kong. What can you say about the use of parallelisms between the untamed jungle and New York city, and how Peter Jackson…

Mikey: I’m going to have to stop you there on account of I Don’t Care. Also, the glaring omission of King Kong’s cock from any of the scenes offends me.

Pau: …What?

Mikey: Cock! You know, genitalia. Penis. Schlong. Wang. Dong. Johnson. Manhood. Manflesh. One-eyed monster. Kongpedo.

Pau: Of course I know what a cock is.

Mikey: What a gay thing to say.

Pau: Can we get back on topic? Why the thing about cocks?

Mikey: It’s in the jungle man. Nobody wears clothes in the jungle. King Kong is naked for the whole movie, and not once did we get to see a glimpse of his Donkey Kong Jr. That my friend, is an example of shoddy filmmaking.

Pau: What does that have to do with…

Mikey: More so, King Kong was alone with Ann Darrow for a whole afternoon in his crib. Don’t tell me that nothing happened between them. A little spank the monkey action if you know what I mean.

Pau: You are a sick, sick…

Mikey: And let us not forget the complete lack of a masturbation scene which was present in the original.

Pau: I—–what?

Mikey: You know. The scene where King Kong jacked off at the top of the Empire State Building?

Pau: Dude. That never happened.

Mikey: Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this scene?:

Pau: He wasn’t jacking off. He was defending himself from the attacking plane.

Mikey: Nuh-uh. You can’t fool me. The plane was too far away from his moving arms. There was no way that he can hold on to his dick and attack the plane at the same time……Unless he was using his dick to attack the plane! But where’s the dick? Oh no we can’t see it because Hollywood refuses to show us what a real Kongtastic cock looks like!

Pau: This is retarded. And you’re hopeless. I’m out of here.

**User Pau has left the chatroom.

Mikey: Hello? Anybody there? Hmmmm.

**User Mikey is now known as lonelyMike69.

lonelyMike69: Gigantic monkey dick…..mmmmmmmmmm.

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You can read more retarded shit like this at The Man Blog.