…before eating our brains!
For his first assignment as the new Sith Lord Darth Benny, Pope Benedict has conducted the first ceremony in a global human sacrifice which he fondly calls “Operation Brainwich.”
Pictured: Pope Benedict using the force.
Not Pictured: The death of humanity.
Wearing shimmering gold vestments and a golden miter (or the “Papal Bling” in Vatican lingo), Benedict told this reporter that God’s love strengthened all of humanity. “And by ‘God,’ I mean the big mothership waiting just behind the moon to eat your brains! And by ’strengthen,’ I mean fatten you up for our Christmas dinner” the Pope said before eating our photographer.
We tried to get more from the Pope about how long he and his people were planning this attack, or if there’s still hope for humanity; but he proceeded to eat our tape recorder and our brains before we could get a word out. He also ate this website. You’re not really reading this because you’re dead.
“I will eat your soul.”
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