Faded Boxers

I’ve been hearing so much about a new fancy restaurant in town that I decided to give it a try. If the dining experience turns out as good as they say it is, then maybe I’ll make it a habit to go out more often.

Since it’s a nice restaurant, I donned my classiest attire, jumped on my wheels and prepared myself for a night of culinary extravaganza.

So when I arrived, I was immediately greeted by their highly trained valet staff.

Of course they had a lot of trouble starting my car, but once we got six of them together, we were able to push my car into the parking spot in exchange for half an hour of lounge time inside the pimpmobile.

Yeah, they were feeling my shit alright.So into the restaurant I went, to be greeted by the faggiest of fags that I’ve ever seen.

No this is not him. But it sure looks a lot like him. But I could be wrong, all these people look alike.But I am a man of the new millenium, I am liberal, I have an open mind. While I’ve never actually seen one of these fairies up close before, I knew that they were widely accepted now, along with negroes and communists. I wouldn’t be the Man of The New Millenium if I didn’t get with it. So I mustered up all my manly courage and told him that I was dining alone. Just to make sure he knew that I was ok with him being a queer, I shoved a knee up his ass. I heard faggots loved that.

Surprisingly, he didn’t seem to enjoy it. Huh. He probably isn’t ready to “come out” yet. I gotta learn to be more sensitive to these nancy boys.

Nevertheless, he proceeded to show me to my table. I tried holding his hand as he lead me to where I will be dining, but he insisted that it would not be necessary. Maybe on the way out, I thought.

After an extensive debate with my waiter about the advantages of preparing Chicken Cordon Bleu with a live chicken, I finally conceded by ordering fish. But not before “accidentally slipping and punching him in the nuts.” As I watched him wobble away, I prepared my taste buds for a night they’ll never forget.

No sooner had my dinner plate been laid out on the table for me did it crash on the back of my retreating waiter into a million tiny pieces. I think one of them hit him in the balls.

“What the fuck is this?” I demanded indignantly.

“What do you mean sir?!” asked the fag who rushed over after hearing the commotion. The waiter at this point is unable to talk for some reason.

“What do you mean what do I mean?! This is an outrage! How am I supposed to eat fish like this? Where’s the aquarium? Where’s my diving mask? And most importantly, where are the little electronic nipple pinchers?”

“I…..what?”

“You know, for the fish!”

“I don’t quite follow sir.”

“There’s nothing more delicious than a fish tortured to death. Haven’t you learned anything in faggotry school?”

“I’m not…”

“You look pale. Maybe you’ve got a bad case of The Gay. You should have that looked at. By a gayologist.”

“I…..I….have a wife!”

“Oh better be careful, or she’ll get it from you too!”

At this point the fag had turned into an ugly shade of green that I never though fags were capable of.

“You. Leave. Now.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be like that. I’m hungry. Tell you what, I’ll let you give me a makover.”

“GETOUT!”

I’m now back home typing this. And I’m still very hungry. I don’t mind saying that that was probably the worst restaurant I’ve ever gone to. Not only did they kick me out, but they’ve also threatened me with a restraining order. If this is how they treat all their customers, I’m surprised they can stay in business for so long.

I give this restaurant a rating of balls: