Tag Archive for 'fiction'

A day in the life of TMB

Published
by
Pau
on August 9, 2007
in Uncategorized
. 0 Comments

“Hi Guys,” Bim said to the other TMB editors as he entered the room.

“Hey Bi—-” Started the rest of the guys, but were unable to finish for some reason.

“What?!” asked a suspicious Bim.

After a few minutes of silence, Coco asked “Something you want to tell us Bim?”

“What?”

“Well, there’s something different about you,” Steel volunteered.

“So what is it? Do I have a booger hanging out or something?”

“You wanna tell us why you have Pau’s balls on your forehead?” asked Mordo.

“Also, Pau!” exclaimed Baddie.

“Oh right,” said Bim sheepishly. I was hoping you guys wouldn’t notice.

“I told you they’d notice,” I told Bim.

“Yeah well, they wouldn’t have if you weren’t such a fat fatty! Fattie!” Bim retorted.

“Who are you calling a Fattie, Mr. I-Smell-Like-Ballsac-After-Showering?” I shot back.

“THAT’S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID MOTHERFUCKER!”

“YOU’RE THE MOTHERFUCKER!!”

“THAT’S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID!”
Continue reading ‘A day in the life of TMB’

Job Hunt

Published
by
Pau
on June 15, 2007
in Uncategorized
. 2 Comments

I started to approach the Human Resources Officer to hand in my resume, but I stopped in midstride before I got too close to him.

Sensing my apprehension, he approached me and asked if he could help me.

“Um….no. I think I’ve made a mistake,” I stammered.

“What do you mean sir?” he asked while glancing at the resume I held in my hands. “I see you’re here about our job opening?”

“I —gotta go. I gotta do something.”

“Wait sir, is anything wrong?” said the HR officer as he reached to stop me.

“GAY your hands agay from me!” I blurted out.

The HR officer was taken aback. “I beg your pardon?”

“Look, I don’t want any trouble. I know of your kind, and I think you’re alright. But I just don’t gay that gay. Maybe tomorrow, but not TOGAY!”

The HR officer looked mildly annoyed, but immediately regained his composure. “Sir, I don’t know where you are getting your information, but I assure you I am not a homosexual.”

“I’m so sorry for this mistake. I don’t know what to gay. I hope we can put this behind us. I’ll just leave and wish you a nice gay. O-Gay?”

“EXCUSE ME?!”

“Also, all this excitement’s gotten me thirsty. Tell me, where can I buy a bottle of GAYtorade?”

“NOW Listen here! I will not—”

I glanced at the TV in the lobby which was tuned into HBO. “Gay, isn’t that Tom Cruise?”

“That’s it. Get the fuck out of here. GUARD!”

“Is your favorite President GAYbraham Lincoln? Who is your favorite Muppet? Is it Kermit the FAG? Aw come on, don’t be like that, let’s go to the bar and I’ll buy you a couple of queers. Seriously, let’s be friends. I’m actually bending over backwards to be nice to you,” I said as I was dragged away by the security guards with their huge nightsticks.

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Honeyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Published
by
Pau
on May 31, 2007
in Uncategorized
. 5 Comments

The day started out just like any morning. I woke up, checked my mail and then I headed off to the shower. It was then that things started to bad.

“Honeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!” I screamed from the bedroom.

“What?!” my wife poked her head through the doorway to find me holding and staring at my shampoo bottle and my deodorant stick.

“They went too far this time! Too fucking far,” I said while shaking my hands at her.

“Who did?”

“Look at this!” I told her, as I handed over my shampoo bottle and my deodorant stick.

“Okay. Why am I holding your shampoo and your deodorant?”

“Don’t you see woman?! THEY’RE BOTH EMPTY!”

“So?”

“AT THE SAME TIME!?!?”

*SIGH* “Do you have a point? Because the chicken’s burning.”

“Fuck the chicken! And no, I’m not talking about what I did last Christmas. I was drunk dammit, drop it! I mean the neighbors emptied my shampoo and used up my deodorant stick! Once again, our neighbors have slapped our faces with the gauntlet of un-awesomeness.”
Continue reading ‘Honeyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!’