Are you getting tired of all the shit that ninjas have to put up with just to get through the day? People cross the street when they see you walking. Dogs hate you because they can never sense whenever you’re near. The Pirate kids down the street keep egging your house while shouting “We’re way cooler than you!”
Then your neighbors are always updating their state of the art home security systems (which never succeeds in stopping you from sneaking in and “borrowing” some stuff like sugar, milk, and kidneys). It’s hard for you to find a place to stay because your roommates have a tendency of disappearing on you. You can’t even find a date because the Ninja Code you live by prohibits you from uploading your real pic in your Friendster profile page:
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So we’re here to help you to leave your Ninja ways behind and successfully to assimilate yourself into society. Below is a short list of scenarios designed to point you toward a happier existence with the people around you.
Continue reading ‘How to Quit Being a Ninja’
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Good day my friend,
I’m sorry to have to tell it to you this way, but I don’t think we can hang out together anymore. I know that this may come as a shock to you considering we’ve had nothing but laughs in the three weeks that we’ve been roomies, but to be perfectly honest with you, things haven’t been going so great between us.
From the very first moment that we’ve met, I knew that we were going to get along fine judging from the way you didn’t kill me onsite the way you killed your other potential roommates who made the mistake asking you “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” It is due to my awareness that ninjas aren’t much talkers that not only was I able to escape with my life that day, I’ve also made a friend.
Everything went well for the next few days. I’d teach you how to play badminton and how to speak. And you would teach me the vast benefits of comfortable silences. I however thought that it was too much when you decapitated the bully who was making fun of my knee high socks at the gym; but since nobody decided to press charges, plus the fact that you disappeared in a puff of smoke while benchpressing 300 lbs., I guess it was no biggie.
Continue reading ‘An Open Letter to my Roommate The Ninja’
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