Faded Boxers

Yeah, American Idol is probably the biggest show on TV right now. What America and the rest of the world doesn’t know is that it sucks. Fortunately for you dear readers, the sucktitude of the so-called show American Idol, has not escaped the keen observartional skills of us here at The Man Blog.

Though we have been discouraged from publishing such a controversial article, we feel that it is our duty as the Authority in All Things Awesome to tell the world how not so Awesome American Idol really is.

Let’s get started:

1. American Idol does not show you scenes from next week’s episode.

Do they want to keep us in suspense by refusing to give us a glimpse of what will happen next? Or maybe, just maybe, they’re all making it up as they go along?! We believe it’s the latter because we have yet to meet a single writer of the show. I think it’s because they’re so ashamed of their laziness that they are hiding from the public eye.

2. Continuity Errors

In the first season, it was Kelly Clarkson. Next, it was Ruben Studdard. Fantasia Barrino and Carrie Underwood followed in the next two seasons. Didn’t the producers think that we’d notice the glaring fact that the star of the show keeps changing?! That’s right, apparently they couldn’t keep a single castmember long enough to last more than one season! For the love of Chuck Norris, couldn’t they at least be consistent in the gender of the lead character?

What does this speak of? Creativity issues? Salary conflicts? Whatever it is, The Man Blog will eventually get the dirt on it. Don’t you worry.

3. American Idol is sexist!

Or should we say STRAIGHTIST?! That’s right. In all the seasons of the show, not once did a straight man win the competition. Kelly, Carrie, and Fantasia are all girls! Or for the politically correct, “were of the non-awesome persuasion.”

Ruben Studdard comes pretty close, but since there is no evidence that he has ever used his penis for sexual activities, we’re going to have to exclude him from the great Male Race.

4. No reruns

They never show reruns of previous episodes or even seasons to let newcomers catch up with the rest of the world. You know why? Because they know that NOBODY WILL WATCH THEM. Because the show sucks.

5. No Character Development Whatsoever

Each episode is the same as the next in terms of plot, and storyline. The three sidekicks who sit in front of the audience never seem to do anything. The mean one called Simon Cowell seemed interesting at first. Is he gay or not? If not, when will he ever bone that girl beside him who seems to be always on drugs? Unfortunately his character never goes beyond the confines of his table.

And what about that black sidekick? Saying nothing but “aighte,” “dawg,” and wearing his “bling-blings.” Is this the best that Hollywood has to offer in terms of racial stereotypes? They should have at least patterned the black dude’s character after a geniune African American like Erik Estrada: